Everything Fred – Part 63

22 December 2022

Sometime around the beginning of this month, I was taking a shower and while drying off, I heard a rip. That towel has a great pile warp which means it dries you really well (think little tiny loops of thread). However, there are two horizontal bands, one on either end, where there is little or no warp. That’s where it tore. It got me to thinking when was the last time I bought towels for the house?

I generally purchase linens and towels from L.L. Bean. I like the quality of the materials and they hold up over time. It also doesn’t hurt that L.L. Bean has a liberal return policy (often abused by customers). I searched my purchase history on the site which only goes back to 2014, so my towels, hand cloths, and bath cloths have to be older than 8 years. I guess, with all the washings over those 8 plus years, they decided to give up the ghost.

I shopped the L.L. Bean website to find something similar to what I currently have (after all, they lasted a very long time) but didn’t find anything similar. I have to admit, the company makes online shopping very easy. When you type in “towels” in the search, you get the entire set – towels, hand towels, bath cloths and bath mats. You can purchase the items individually or as sets.

The price is fairly steep but I figured if the new ones last as long as the old ones, it’s a good investment. Now comes the big question – the color. I don’t remember the actual color of the old towels but it probably was something like sea green, antique pine, etc. Who knows? Color is not my strong suit. I called them green. They seemed to work well with my 1950’s bathroom of gray tile with pink trim tiles. and pink bath tub.

This time, I opted for “Silver Moon” thinking it would go great with the gray tile. The order was 4 towels, 4 hand towels, 6 bath cloths and 2 bath mats. A little over $400 later and the order was processed, shipped, and on its way.

When they arrived, I immediately washed and dried everything and realized “Silver Moon” didn’t looks as great as I thought it would. It certainly blends in with the gray tile but I think I need more color contrast. Oh well, these towels will probably have to last another 8 plus years.

“Silver Moon” hand towels
“Silver Moon” bath towel

The whole point of this post is the bath cloths. The pile warp on these new ones are nowhere near that of my old ones. That doesn’t mean they don’t dry well, just there’s not much warp.

New bath cloth

Compare that to the pile warp of the old bath cloth.

Old bath cloth

The first time I used the new bath cloths I was taken back in time to my Grandmother Ruby’s house. It was a two bedroom, one bathroom type of house with a linen closet just inside the bathroom door. I think my brother Archie, me, and my cousins Jimmie, Jean and Jo all used to climb up into the closet on the built in shelves. The shelving was impressively sturdy and we made a mess of the linens and towels while “hiding out” from my parents and grandparents. By my description, you can probably tell we were pretty small when we played in the linen closet.

Ruby had a simple tub and anytime we had to take a bath, we simply went into the linen closet, pulled down a towel and bath cloth (we called them bath rags), stoppered and filled the tub and crawled in. Most of the time, Archie and I had to bathe together. It was those bath cloths and bath towels that sent me down memory lane. The new ones are like all the old cloths and towels at my grandmother’s.

Back in the 50’s plush linen was not in the vocabulary. We didn’t know anything about thread count on sheets nor pile warp on towels. Ruby had a washer but all clothes were dried on the line outside (or in the case of inclement weather on a clothes rack set over the floor furnace. There’s nothing like sheets and towels and bath cloths dried in the open air on a clothes line.

They have that stiff, crisp feel to them (and back before pollution got so bad – the smell of fresh air). They were stiff enough they could actually scratch you dry. The size, weight, warp and feel of the new bath cloths were, to me, exactly those of my childhood.

By the way, when I bought my house in 1995 in Fort Lauderdale, there was a clothes line in the back yard. I tried once to dry my clothes on the line and gave it up when I realized the amount of pollution in our area (I’m close to the Fort Lauderdale airport and we get a tremendous amount of particulates from jets taking off and landing). The sheets actually dried a dingy gray.

I distinctly remember on one bath night where Ruby was overseeing me and Archie in the tub. Archie, ever the devil, suggested I needed to soap the tip of my penis to get it clean. I didn’t like the idea and protested but he could be very persuasive. I did. There was an immediate burning at the opening to my urethra. It continued to burn, I continued to cry, and Ruby continued to tsk, tsk and say isn’t Archie terrible and Archie continued to laugh. I, to this day, have no idea if Ruby knew what would happen or just wanted to see what would happen. Archie continued laughing his ass off at my predicament. I probably exaggerate but it seems to me the burning didn’t stop for a couple of hours. Some of life’s most valuable lessons are learned from asshole brothers. My only question is how he knew what would happen. I can only hope he made the discovery on his own and suffered the same fate as I.

Bathing together was not unusual. I’m not sure when Archie and I stopped having a bath together. Oh, and you always saved the bath water. Often times, mother or dad would draw a bath, finish bathing, leave the water in the tub, and then send us in to get clean. Since I was the youngest, sometimes I was the fourth person in the bath water. Bathing after mom or dad was OK but the water got a little less clear after Archie bathed.

When I went to spend some time with my Aunt Sue and Uncle Jack (Sue was my dad’s sister) I was shocked when she ran the bath for me and only put about 2 inches of water in the tub. I couldn’t figure that out since at home we filled the tub half way up the sides. Later, I learned that their well was going dry and they had to strictly conserve water. This continued until they finally got city water from the town of Morton. I have no idea when or where I experience my first shower but it was probably at summer camp in the Boy Scouts.

I’ve written about this before but it’s interesting how your senses can send you back to your childhood or specific events in your life -the feel of that new bath cloth against my skin, the smell of newly mowed grass in the summer in Mississippi, the sounds of whip-poor-wills at evening, or the taste of my mother’s home made lemon ice-box pie or the tactile sensation of petting a Persian cat.

It’s often said that blind people don’t have better hearing than any other person but they simply rely on their hearing more than sighted people. As a child, I think my senses were on high alert. My dad told me not long before he died that his sense of taste and smell were gone. He was already losing his eyesight and his hearing. I can now relate. I hated hot peppers as a kid and now I crave them. Anything to boost the taste buds. My hearing and sight are going and food doesn’t taste the same. My sense of smell seems undiminished and the tactile sense of that wash cloth made my day. I think I’ll keep the new bath order.

By the way, I’m keeping the old bath towels/cloths. I learned as a kid you never throw anything away. The years of the Great Depression still live on in my family.

Everything Fred – Part 62

11 December 2022

I think my first Christmas boat parade was in Greenwood, Mississippi when I was around 9 years old. Mom and Dad bundled Archie and me up and drove from Morton, Mississippi to Greenwood (some 114 miles and a two hour drive). The Yazoo River flows through downtown Greenwood. Back then, the boat parade was tied in with a band festival where high school marching bands competed in a street parade. Boats of all shapes and sizes were decorated with Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and everything else they could think of. It made a lasting impression on me.

Last night (December 10th) I attended the Seminole Hardrock Winterfest Boat Parade (better known as the Fort Lauderdale Boat Parade). By my recollection, this is my fourth boat parade in Fort Lauderdale. My first exposure was at Pier 66 on the intercostal waterway on 17th Street. My second was at a private house on the waterway. My third was in a friend’s condo on the waterway and last night was at Secret Garden at the Pillars Hotel dockside. Of the four, I enjoyed the one at the Pillars the best.

Dockside at the Pillars Hotel on the Intercostal Waterway, Fort Lauderdale. P.S. that’s not a stain on my shirt – it’s Holley’s shadow.

This was the 51st annual Fort Lauderdale boat parade. It’s estimated that over a million people line the bridges, the intercostal, cafes, restaurants, condos, and multimillion dollar homes. One parade at a private home I attended was amazing. They probably had 100 guests and a huge buffet and open bar. They planned for the event the entire year.

The first trick in attending a boat parade is getting there (and back home). There are 16 draw bridges in Broward County and there are seven that have to go up and stay up for the parade. You better know the schedule are you can be trapped in between bridges. (We had to get past 3rd Ave and the Las Olas bridges.) Here’s this year’s schedule:

7th Avenue bridge – goes up at 6 pm and comes down at 8:30 pm
Andrews Ave bridge – 6 pm – 8:30pm
3rd Ave bridge – 6 pm – 8:30 pm
Las Olas bridge – 7 pm – 9 pm
Sunrise bridge – 7:30 – 9:30 pm
Oakland Park Blvd bridge – 8 pm – 10 pm
Commercial Blvd bridge – 8:30 pm – 11 pm.

The parade is 12 miles long and reaches from the Stranahan house on New River in downtown Fort Lauderdale and goes to Pompano Beach, Florida along the intercostal. The complete viewing takes approximately 2 1/2 hours.

The parade route is in black.

Of course, you cannot just start a parade – you have to assemble it.

The closed areas are part of the assembly of the parade and the sequence is done at the staging area. The western most staging area is less than 1/2 mile from my house on the south fork of the New River.

The second trick to attending the parade is to find some place to view it. There are very few public places to view the parade from the intercostal – it’s all condos and palatial homes. And I do mean palatial. You can fit a few hundred people on the draw bridges but otherwise you have to depend on the kindness of condo owners or book a table at a restaurant with intercostal views.

Jim, Holley and I made reservations for the parade on July 4th. We were watching the fireworks for the fourth on the dock on the Secret Garden and decided it would be great to do the same for the boat parade. We made dinner reservations for five starting at 6:30pm.

Our original intention was to stay at the Pillars Hotel (the Secret Garden is their restaurant) but there was either a two or four night minimum (I can’t remember which) and the cost of even one night was prohibitive. By the time last night arrived, we were down to the three of us. Even so, all the rooms in the hotel were booked as well as all the rooms in the surrounding hotels. It’s rumored the rooms were going for $800/night.

If you look over Holley’s head, you’ll see what I mean by palatial. That’s one house (two stories) and the property extends along the intercostal where you see the palm trees lit up.

Dinner, as usual, was excellent. Holley had the scallops, Jim the veal chop and I had a filet mignon. The restaurant/hotel greets you with a complimentary glass of champagne. Jim and I ordered cocktails and we three also shared a bottle of wine. Holly’s desert was an espresso martini! By the end of the night we were feeling no pain.

When I attended my first Fort Lauderdale Boat Parade, it was mostly small boats blowing air horns, Christmas music playing as loud as they could get it, and even people on paddle boards and kayaks.

These kayaks led the parade!

Some of the boats would shoot fireworks from the decks of their boats.

The theme of the parade was neon Nightlife Under the Sea

There were not so many “little boats.” Most were mega-yachts.

Notice the two mega-mansions in the background. I think this was the Hardrock boat.

As you might guess, there’s money to be found in the parade. It’s estimated the parade brings in $50 million dollars to the city. If you enter a boat in the parade, you have to apply and fit within a specific category. For this year’s parade, there were six categories: charter, commercial, government, nonprofit, private, and showboat.

The charter category entry fee was anywhere from $500 to $1500.
Commercial – $250-$1000
Government – $35
Nonprofit – $35
Private – $35
Showboat – $8000.

I have no idea the difference between Charter, Commercial or Showboat but I don’t think I could afford the Showboat. Commercial boats generally are advertising their company – mostly beer companies or restaurants. Charter boats are those normal charters available all along the intracoastal that are used as party boats during the year. Booze and food available for extra charge.

What you didn’t see was much Christmas theme. About midway through the parade the Santa boat came through and toward the end of the parade came a boat with a sleigh and reindeer. Otherwise, very little Christmas music.

I’m kinda like Mardi Gras with boat parades. They are nice the first time you see them. I went to Mardi Gras the first time with my cousin Jimmie when we visited her sister Jo in New Orleans. The next three Mardi Gras I was trapped in the city and couldn’t escape the traffic and crowds. Boat parades are nice if you don’t mind traffic jams (it took us almost an hour to get to the hotel which normally takes about 20 minutes) and tons of people. I’ve never seen Las Olas so busy.

I’ve lived in Broward County for 38 years and I’ve seen four boat parades. I think I’ll try to keep that average for a while. The best part of the parade was the food and company.

The real reason for the season is making money.